Dear Sportsfans, sportswriters, baseball aficionados, and followers of our Lord the Savior Joba Chamberlain,
I would like to discuss the proper following of the world's fastest growing religion, Chamberlainity. To start you on your journey to conversion, here are The Ten Commandments of Chamberlainity.
1. Thou Shalt not call our dear 6 pound 8 ounce lord Joba a reliever.
2. Thou Shalt not accuse the the Savior of substance abuse.
3.Thou Shalt not suggest our Savior be moved to the bullpen.
3. Thou shalt not question the personality of the Almighty, for he is "pretty much boys with everybody." Including, the Patron Saint of On-Base Percentage, Nick Swisher, and the Patron Saint Of Jolly Dedication, CC Sabathia.
4. Thou Shalt not argue that the Savior and leader of the finest human race, Yankee fans, should ever consistently enter games after the first inning.
5. Thou shalt forgive the Savior for his solitary mistake regarding the driving of a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. As we must remember, this action was the fault of a demon representing the official baseball team of Satan, and provoking the strong competitor within our Savior.
6. Thou must not ask our 6 Pound 8 Ounce Lord to pitch in relief, or suggest he pitch in relief, or falsely claim that his team would be better if he pitched in relief.
7. Thou shall laugh in the faces of any individual who claims that the likes of Jon Lester, Clay Bucholz, Justin Masterson, or Michael Bowden are superior than our Lord the Savior, Joba. They are being guided towards John Henry's inferno, and have obviously failed in the mortal world if they made such comments as those.
8. Thou shall cheer each time the Savior is announced as the starting pitcher in a competition of any sort, for it is clear that is the one and only way he shall enter baseball games.
9. Thou shall cheer for each member of the New York Yankees, as they are the disciples of the Savior and shall share in the victories he earns for the greatest franchise know to man.
10. Thou shall never ask for our dear 6 pound 8 ounce baby Joba to be a reliever, or you shall face the wrath of Joba's most vehement supporters.
I do hope that you all shall follow this gospel through the remainder of your lives, as it shall guide you to greatness,
"If you ain't first, you're last"